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Everything seems to be going really well... I mean I just got promoted... Been motivated to exersize... and thats why i have been feeling hella good lately.... I am starting to see the weight coming off... and the good mood i have been in, is getting me noticed more... i havent gotten so many comments at work before this... haha some of the regulars keep saying i look cute and stuff... I mean i have been taking care of myself like i never did before... i actually take my time to do my makeup and make my hair up all pretty.... so thats how im feeling lately....good for me.... HAHA....
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| Time: | 5:00 pm. |
| Mood: |  content. |
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well....everything is going really good... got promoted... been exersizing like crazy... which is making me feel HELLA good... been talking to a few guys... but i realized i should be happy with myself before i can be happy with anyone else... and i am working my ass off to get there..... The guy i really like and me arent going to happen... and i have figured that one out... it bums me out but in the same it doesnt... but i think i still have that hope that something might just turn out... but im not going to dwell on it... if it happens it happens... if it doesnt it doesnt... kinda funnie to hear me say that... cause if you know me... i dont think i have ever said that and meant it.... and i DO mean it... Thats sad...Regan died... and he was the president when i was born.... hmm... interesting... okay well thats my post hehe....
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WOW they legalized gay marriage in Mass. i wouldnt of thought that would happen...hmm....
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| Time: | 8:03 pm. |
| Mood: | happy. | | Music: | Watching the Simpsons..... |
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I feel so good.... i have no idea why....but i feel really good.... i sure hope this stays around....
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WOOHOOO....I got promoted haha if everything goes as planned...I'l start my training next week.... but see i was sooo happy that i got promoted...that i completely forgot that i forgot to close my till.....so watch...i'll get written up...haha the first person to get promoted and written up on the same day.... at least they could do a till audit and close it for me...LoL im such a dork..... but anyways.... Ginger called me and told me that Katie had her keys and if i could get them from her at school and took them to her she would treat me to lunch....soooo....i went and it was lunch time...so i walked around trying to find her....haha then when they got back haha anyways....thats not important....but i ditched Walter for Ginger...HAHA sucker.....oh well i'm gunna go to Gingers now.... I need to give her something....
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| Subject: | Blah.... |
| Time: | 8:39 pm. |
| Mood: |  indescribable. | | Music: | The sounds of me crying...... |
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why try anymore?? everything i do is a waste of time....cause nothing that i do seems to be right....today i hit rock bottom.... the fight with my mom was too big to even believe... She always brings up shit that happened years ago....never looks into the future and always looks into the past... but today....today was just awful....i mean it started fine...went to work....came home... and even when she did get home from her weekend in Sac. everything seemed to be fine....we exchanged gifts.... ate dinner... and then for a reason I can't even remember we started fighting... this was an ordinary fight.... one i've gotten used to over the years... my mom bringing up shit I did years ago...and me coming back with how i've changed and wishing she would just see it... but this fight didn't end there like it usually does.... I got a phone call....it was a mistake phone call but on the other end myfriend and her boyfriend were having a massive fight... i mean like both crying and him...like always....telling her how horrible she is... well i decided i wanted to go help her out...i mean what are friends for right??... so I got dressed and started to leave...now being mother's day I wanted to stay at home and spend some time with my mom...i truthfully did...but she had already put in her mind that i was going to ditch her for the night....and was being so neg about it and bringing it up every five min...so why not live up to the bad things since even when i live up to the good, its still never good enough...but i mean this was special circumstances....i tell her she is the most important thing in my life....but she never seems to get it...just because i'm not home everyday she seems to think that i am not doing anything good...but see i am....i thought that people my age spend time with their friends....i wasnt aware that they just stayed at home and did nothing but housework.... but from what my mom says and does she did at my age....but its not my fault that she had and has no friends...it wasnt me who pushes them away.... and the thing is...i see so much of that in me its crazy..... i push people away...not because i want to....its because well truthfully i dont know... i guess its my neg. 'tude.... but hey...thats what i grew up with....thats mostly all i know.... i've tried so hard to change it...but its harder then you think....and i have no support whatsoever behind me... i'm certian that is why im still single....well that and the fact im so fucking fat.... but thats another subject that should be delt with at a later date.... so i tried to leave... and as usual she threatened to throw my dogs out on the street....but for once....she did what she said she was going to do....and i just couldnt catch him in time.... my poor baby....he didn't die...but he would of if the car was going any faster....he just hit the tire and then yelped and rolled.... if she wouldnt of stopped he woulda gone under the tired and died.... its a site you just don't want to see... she got him hit by a car...no matter what... if he died or not.... he still got hit by a car.... and its the hardest thing to watch... cause you don't know whats going to happen.... and there is nothing you can do to stop it.... the driver rolled down her window and said "im sorry...i didn't see him" ... but what could i do.... i couldnt catch him in time...i just couldnt do it.... she says it's my fault for trying to leave...i shouldnt of done it and he wouldnt of gotten hit.... so maybe it is my fault.. if i woulda just stayed home...he wouldnt of gone through that...and then i couldnt catch him....everything seems to be my fault when it comes to talking to her... i mean...i bust my ass here... she sits on the couch and smokes and watches TV....everyday... she doesn't do anything around the house...yah...dishes here and there.... dinner from time to time... but she doesnt do much more then that... why should I bust my ass and have no help from her... i just don't want to do it anymore... I get introuble for sitting up here in my room on the computer so much.... but isnt that semi what she is doing down there....this place would be clean if she put some effort into it too... and see now im doubting myself.... because I know i'm a good person... but i'm so afriad of being a failure...that i always am... because thats what i am expected to do and am always told what i am going to do.... so i've gotten to the point where i just don't care anymore.... i mean why should i care...when even when i do care...i'm told i don't.... and when i'm told i don't i start to doubt myself... i mean the base is there....the happiness is somewhere down there....but its buried so deep I don't think i am going to be able to find it on my own anymore.... the hate inside of me is starting to burn my heart...this house is dark.... i can love nomore....
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WOOHOO I fixed my tat on my leg and added a butterfly..... and then i got a piggie on my shoulder blade on the right side...WOHOO i'm addicted and a rebel and i dont care about what my mom thinks...now it was weird though, because i walked in there and saw my ex boyfriend Brandon...this is the one that lied the whole entire relationship...oh well other then akward silence...everything was fine...okay bed time.....
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| Time: | 3:20 pm. |
| Mood: | ecstatic. |
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WOOHOO....my boss made me partner of the month....aka employee of the month....YEHAW.... I LOVE IT....
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WOOHOO... i know i havent been put as a shift yet...BUT my mgr is going to leave me alone as the shift for a whole two hours next week....thats just fucking awesome...hehe....i am trusted...
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| Time: | 10:39 am. |
| Mood: |  contemplative. |
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What is it about me that makes people vent to me??? i mean i don't mind getting vented to....but even perfect strangers seem to feel comfortable to tell me their problems and ask me for my opinion... people at work have noticed this too... because i'll be at the bar at least once a week hearing someones sad sob story about what happened....BUT the only problem i have is when my friends call to vent about my other friends....cause i dont know what to say....it always makes me get stuck in the middle.... and thats where it starts to suck.... thats where i am at right now with Ginger and Paul... I mean i know how the two of them feel about each other...but i cant tell the other one when i get vented to... but i don't wanna get started with that because i could write for days on those two haha.... anywayz....the A's game last night pissed me off...I SWEAR TO GOD THEY NEED TO GET RID OF FUCKING RHODES...the man can't fucking pitch....EVERY game that they are winning they seem to put him in and BOOM there goes the game....GRRRRR....they need to get a fucking clue and get him the FUCK OUTTA THERE.... haha....can you tell i love baseball????
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They are tearing down Valley Vista....AHHHH...it makes me feel so old.... its the skating rink that we had in town when i was a kid...i had birthday parties there and spent plenty of days and nights there skating....and they are tearing it down to build a retirement community....wow....its the first childhood thing to get the boot.....it hits me hard just cause of the memories....its just too sad....
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| Subject: | WOOHOO |
| Time: | 7:39 pm. |
| Mood: | ecstatic. | | Music: | Britney Spears...Toxic...HAHA I LOVE THIS SONG SO SHUT UP.... |
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This month rocks....this weekend my mom's leaving for Sac. town...and then at the end of the month she is going to Portland Oregon to visit one of her friends....WOOHOO this means party at my house...haha i wish i didnt have common neighbors or i would....so just a get together with a few close friends....hopefully lots of pot and alcohol involved...LOL HAHA.....
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wow i completely forgot that i had one of these.....haha who here still remembers me??? but anyway.... last thing that happened in my life... was about a guy...haha isnt it always.... well no...but i've decided that i wont have anymore stupid guy stuff in my life for awhile....at least until i get stuff together.... i dropped outta school for awhile...i cant afford it I need to work and save up for a year... I was diagnosed with Bipolar II disorder....so now i am on medication for it.... i only started a few days ago... so i am not feeling the drugs yet... but when i do im sure that a lot of things will be better when they do... and um....thats about all i have to say...if i think of anything I'll let you know....Bye Bye...
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Thursday, September 11th, 2003
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| Time: | 10:47 am. |
| Mood: |  stressed. | | Music: | The turning of pages in my books. |
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WoW...I figured they would close this down if you don't write in it for a certian amount of time. But i'm still alive. HAHA...all is going well, not much to talk about, havent really done more then school and work. I have tests every week, quizez everyday, its just hecktic, and the stupid parking leaves even more to be talked about. I still find it awful when parking makes a student more stressed out then the actual classes....I drove around for two hours the other day and missed a quiz i can't make up. I was SOOOOOOOOOO pissed, at Chabot its two spots and 10000 people are trying to get those two spots, its CRAZY! I know one thing, I am NEVER taking another class at 10, haha or 11 for that matter, you can find parking around noon or one, THEN you can park, and go to class with no stress...so yeah for everyone, don't be too shocked if i dont update too much, i have work, volunteering and a full load at school....so yeah I don't get online much for much more then my online class.....
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| Your Ultimate Purity Score Is... | | Category | Your Score | Average | | Self-Lovin' | 90%
Never taken out of the packaging | 60.5% | | Shamelessness | 59.5%
It takes a couple of drinks | 76.1% | | Sex Drive | 55.3%
A fool for love, but not always | 74.1% | | Straightness | 16.1%
Knows the other body type like a map | 39.1% | | Gayness | 96.4%
Repressed, are we? | 78.3% |
| Fucking Sick | 79.6%
Refreshingly normal | 87.3% |
You are 65.73% pure
Average Score: 68.6%
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I'm an angel im telling you A FUCKING ANGEL!!!!
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Saturday, April 12th, 2003
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Wednesday, April 9th, 2003
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Well Gov was pointless today, all the asshole did was tell us about nuclear weapons and how we could be blown to smithereens and talked like it was nothing...scared the fucking shit out of me.... i mean cummon the way he was explaining it could of scared the rock out of his pants....wait shit i might like that but stilll....im gunna go talk to my math teacher today...okay not go talk to him...BUT call him and explain why i havent been going to class... that should help cause then i can catch up over spring break maybe do some extra credit...and hopefully retake the tests i have missed....but today in ASL is the only reason that i showed up...I had to cause we have this major skit to do and hopefully we shall get another A...haha this class becomes too easy sometimes... but yeah we are doing elimidate....with the shy girl, the drunk, the slut and the snob...of course he chooses the slut...what else did you think the guy would choose...LoL... he just wants sex like most men that go on that show... but anyways.... i cant get on AIM which PISSES me off cause it is so boring here alone and especially not being able to get on AIM i mean grrrrrrrrrr.... im hungry I have no money for food...Im about to go crazy and a half....cause I'm too bored.....ooo and to top it all off i left early today thinking it was going to be hell to find parking...i get there FIVE yes count it FIVE spaces were open and waiting for my car...ONE yes count it ONE in the third row...I practically had a shit fit when i found it...but then i looked at the time and saw it was 9:40 and went FUCK i have an hour ALONE till class...so i laid back in my car and did nothing for an hour...wow that was the best hour of my life...HAHA....yeah right... haha on the way to school this idiot didnt look and just started moving over into my lane...i am soooo lucky that the lane next to me was open cause he pushed me all the way over to it...AND im lucky that I was paying attention to him cause if i wasnt he would of hit me....gotta love idiots who dont look in their blind spots...LoL....anyways Mike still likes me cause i asked him last night... but he is moving in with his dad this weekend SO the only alone time we would have would have to be in a hotel room, which makes me sound soooo cheap LoL...im not giving it up to him....but i love to cuddle and I doubt cops would like it much if we cuddled in the car after hours LoL....cops are funnie funnie guys.... oh i went to see BoB last night at work, me and tree did, cause we got hella bored with me not going to class..i felt like shit and i wasnt about to go to class and deal with the teacher from hell... ill be there thursday feeling like shit or not.... i mean yeah.....but at BoB's work i took over his computer and tried to stalk Jake and MIke, Mike said wait till friday and Jake said no cause only scary people stalk and im not scary LoL... then the gay guy that works there told me i had nice BooBs....VERY VERY VERY VERY random comment...but It made me feel good coming from a guy who doesnt swing my way...LoL....but i kept commenting on how nice Bob's boobies are...cause they are LoL... but as we were leaving BoBs name tag got stuck on my boobs...well under them..which if you ask me just made the joke even funnier....i havent had a better time for a LONG LONG time.... well i guess you could count the time with Nebulous BUT i felt a little left out since i didnt know anyone as well and everyone else....haha.... I want to go to the show on sunday night but NOOOOOOOOOO i cant haha I have zero dollars in my wallet... My mom gave was going to give me a 20 to go see the KGB since she wants their new CD...but when she found out it was in Los Gatos she was like no...i flipped until i found out it was over by Santa Cruz...then i understood and said your right i should wait till they are closer....cause i dont have the extra money for gas or the want or will to leave two hours before the show starts and two hours before midnight to get tree home on time...so yeah....thats my day...and other then the fight that is being broken up outside the window here nothing is going on very much... i think i have said all i need to say for the day so im going to go find someone i know who will lend me money for food so i dont learn how to pass out today......
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piggiesgooink's journal
flirty.
crushed.